Keeping Up With The Parental Units

The Winter Purim Olympics 2014   

 The Winter Purim Olympics will be held in Sochushan this year.     

When it was announced that Sochushan would be the location of the 2014 Winter Purim Olympics, there was some concern that there wouldn’t be any snow left on Purim to hold the Winter Purim Olympics what with Purim coming out so late this year. But no worries.

Judges will be looking for a number of things: kavana, tzniyut, suitability of athlete’s outfit as a Purim costume, and how many hamentaschen the athlete eats while competing in the event.

Event winners will be awarded with a gold, silver or bronze plated gragger.  When the awards are given, either Hatikvah, Shoshanat Yaakov, or Shoshanas Yaakov will be played, based on the winner’s Shul affiliation or personal preference.  

A 6 foot tall ice statue of Haman was placed it in front of the UN on the first day of Adar 2 (some poskim thought it should go up on Adar 1) both as a way to predict the weather for the Winter Purim Olympics as well as a creative new way to erase Haman’s name.

Here are some of the major events of the Winter Purim Olympics

Triathlon  - Delivering Shalacmonos to the north side, south side, and crossways

Speed Skating - Slipping on the ice on the way to Shul to hear Megilla reading  

Ski Jumping  - Driving over snowy speed bumps too fast while going to Shul

Biathlon - Giving Tzadaka to at least two poor people

Pairs Ice Dancing - Teams consisting of one woman and one man skating with required overhead lifts, twist lifts, and throw jumps. An extremely technically difficult sport due to the challenges of performing on opposite sides of a mechitza

Biathlon - The gold winner of this cross-country skiing and rifle shooting event gets promoted to officer in the Israeli army. And they have to serve, even if they are Charedi

Curling  - Most elaborate hair style or mustache as part of a Purim costume

Curling - Sweeping up Hamentaschen crumbs after the Purim Seudah with a large broom

Skeleton - Fastest time to recite names of Hamen’s sons’ names in one breath while careening down a narrow icy track on a Hametasch baking tray   

Cross-Country Speed Skating - Delivering Achashverosh’s edicts from Hodu to Cush in great haste

Cross-Country Skiing - Delivering Shalacmonos while skiing from Edison, NJ to Yerushalyim, Israel

Freestyle Snowboarding - Going airborne on a snowboard to perform stunts that make you look like you had too much to drink on Purim. Try to keep your Purim costume pants from falling down   

Bobsleigh - Riding in a horse drawn bobsleigh while dressed in the finest clothes of a king preceded by a sports announcer shouting “This is the person most favored by the king to win!”

In addition to shalacmonos, a donation was made to the Torah Labs Tzedaka fund for matanot le’evyonim in Israel, and to Rabbi Luban’s matanot le’evyonim fund

Torah Labs Tzedaka fund, www.torahlab.org/index.php/tzedaka

Rabbi Luban’s matanot le’evyonim fund www.ohrtorah.net

Go  for the Gold! (Contents of the Shalacmonos) Oatmeal - the other breakfast of champions Gold Plated Chocolate - attach a ribbon and wear around your neck Or eat. Your choice.  Chocolate is good for energy when competing. Round Things - build your own Olympic logos!  O ‘s Cheerios Jelly Beans- instructions for assembly -  drill hole through center Pretzels - instructions for assembly  Hamentasch, Mandlebread -  Made with Gold Medal flour Orange - Orange-Gold color

 The Winter Purim Olympics Bicycling Team